Online Friendship Blog 2

I...I sort of hate myself.

I texted my new Mexican friend this morning and I literally regretted it instantly.

The things he says reminds me a lot of Marek, it's so fucking weird. The two of them seem to have very similar personalities.

But I kinda hate myself for texting my new Mexican friend because I am basically putting myself in the same position that I was in with Marek. Not only that, but my Mexican friend is 20 turning 21. He's too fucking old for me.

But I don't even know if I like my new friend all that much. Maybe it's because he reminds me a lot of Marek, whom I'm no longer very fond of? In fact, I've deemed Marek an asshole. He's a nice asshole though. Marek is a sweetheart to people that he likes and wants to be around but when he changes his mind, he's an asshole.

Hence the term "nice asshole." It's funny because I have told him that I think he was a nice asshole but I didn't realize he was going to be an asshole to me.

But anyway, I don't like that I'm comparing the two of them. I'm not giving my new friend much of a chance. They are two different people. My new friend was kind enough to point that out to me earlier today.

I like my other friend though, whose number I saved to my phone and haven't used yet. He's 19 and he lives in the same state as I do. He is not like Marek nor my new friend...in fact he's more like me. But minus my mental craziness. At least thus far he doesn't seem to be a moody person. This other friend hasn't called me cute nor adorable (thank god), like Marek and my Mexican friend have, and he didn't ask me for my number nor did he throw his at me after 5 minutes of talking.

Yesterday I asked him if there was any particular reason he hasn't proposed texting considering that he was the only person that I've had an actual convo with that hasn't mentioned using our cells at all. He was like: I'm not sure honestly...I guess I just get nervous to ask those questions.

And also, he sends me morning messages. Marek and my Mexican friend never do/did, they always wait(ed) on me. It's nice that he initiates conversation. It makes me feel like he wants to talk to me.

But I don't know...if anything will happen with these guys. Or if anything should happen. It's all up in the air.