Trolling (or The Bully Goats Gruff)

( took a while to join in but... Here tis!)

Why don't you burn
'The Billy Goats Gruff '-
That tatty yarn's
A load of guff.
(except for the part
Where each cowardly brother
Tries tempting a troll
To chew on the other)
The real morbid tale's
A much darker fable:
A billy goat will shaft you
If ever he's able.
(by this, incidentally
It was not intended
To imply something kinky,
So don't be offended)

These three goat bros
They swagger about:
The small one's a bully,
The middle's a lout
But the largest one's vicious
Such a brute it's not funny.
N' together they gathered
Their 'protection money.'

They badgered the badgers
And fleeced the sheep
They foxed the foxes,
Bankrupted Bo Peep
Menaced the fairy folk
"There's villains round 'ere -
They'll tear off your wings
Then make you...'disappear.' "

The Bully goats ruled
Things on the whole
But couldn't tame
The troll-bridge troll.
Now in the story
He's shown as a beast
Who wanted bridge-crossers
As a regular feast.
But the 'trip-trap' is claptrap
This troll's not a killer:
He's fond of Pilates
And films with Ben Stiller.

But the goats want him out
As it makes them look weak.
But how can they fight him
This vast, hairy freak?
They voted and goated -
The decision was passed!
Not to do battle -
They couldn't be arsed.

Next, it was nuisance -
They caused irritation
Trip-trapping and teasing
To force confrontation.
But after enduring
What would send others mental
The troll didn't snap -
He was patient and gentle.

But it affected the goats
This failing campaign -
The frustration was driving
Them slowly insane.
Their bleatings and beatings
Reached a new level...
No wonder that goat parts
Are used by the devil.

Finally big billy
he loses the plot!
"I might act like a nanny
But here's one thing I'm not:
And that is a loser."
But what can this be?
It looks like a wagon
Of primed TNT!

You might well be asking -
'How do goats get this stuff?'
Just one word: it's eBay.
That should say enough.
The heave and they strain
"To the bridge with the wagon!"
The fairytales creatures
Can see what they're draggin'

In the bridge centre,
they check the troll's there -
They hear the film 'Dodgeball'
Is playing down there.
Cackling like loonies
They make the bomb live;
The countdown commences...
The troll can't survive!!

The goat turn to leave
But not one of three moves -
For it seems there is glue
Sticking bridge to their hooves.
And who should be waving,
A smile on their features,
With glue pots in hands
It's the fairytale creatures.

"The bridge is condemned...
It was old anyway.
We chipped in - troll's moved
To a flat in L.A."
"So this is goodbye,"
The Laughing Dog utters.
The big goat screams "Quickly!
Use those wire cutters!

To disable this the bomb
You must cut red and green."
Middle goat wails:
"I have hooves -you know, THESE.
I can no more use cutters
Than you're hot on trapeze!"
"Well, DO SOMETHING brothers!
And... You know... Hurry,
Or we might end our days
As (delicious) goat curry."

But alas karma found them.
They ran out of luck.
As the countdown reach zero
They were heard to say "F -...."
And that is the end folks
Except just to say -
Don't be a goat - don't 'Troll'
Or you'll go the same way!