Pudgy Polly

'Right,' said Pudgy Polly
As she woke on Monday morn.
'I'm sick of being pudgy
And my trousers getting torn

When I have to sit down
Especially on the morning bus
And not being able to get back up,
Causing such a fuss.

The folks in the office
Always laugh at my wide frame.
For the summer they go on diets,
Perhaps I should do the same?'

So after struggling off her kitchen chair
And changing her trousers (now ripped)
Pudgers put into action
Her brand new health kick.

She started off her morning
With a cup of green tea
And a bowl of fresh strawberries
Minus the usual dollop of cream.

Then she got on her shoes and walked to work
To burn off the extra pounds,
But she hadn't really thought it through
It wasn't easy, as she now found.

At 12:50 she finally arrived
At work all sweaty and late
And quite perplexed because as she set out
She got stuck in the garden gate.

'This is not acceptable Polly!'
Shouted her boss Mr Li.
'You're never ever on time
Usually because of the queues at Micky D's.'

'I promise it won't happen again.'
And with a grumble he gave in.
Lunchtime, our dear Pudgers thought
As drool dribbled down her chin.

But to her dismay she now found
It wasn't a cream bun and tea
But salad and mountain spring water.
Healthy, naturally.

As she began to walk home at 5pm
Her tummy grumbled and groaned.
'Don't worry my dear,' she told it.
'We'll get something when we get home.'

8:30 in the evening
Pudgy got through her front door.
'This new health kick
Is really quite a bore.'

But to her surprise and horror
Much worse was to transpire.
At the sight of her new dinner
Polly began to perspire.

'Vegetables!' she cried
'We'll be having none of that!'
So retrieving a bunch of leaflets
From underneath her cat

She punched a number into the phone
With her sausage fingers and said
'Sucks to a bloomin' diet
I'll just have a Chinese instead.'