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I'm about to collapse
Beneath the weight
Of this nonsense
To all of this shit
That life keeps throwing
Against my every defence
Infecting my system
Rotting my core
Destroying from within
And out
All I adore

Struggling in the ring
Five rounds in
And taking every punch
With a bruise and a sting
And I cry
And I wail
And I beg it to stop
But the punches keep coming
And bones break with a crunch

For you see
My dark, little secret
That I've hidden from you
Has now spilled over
From beneath my surface
Underneath my disguise
And into clear view
To the world's staring eyes
And it is here
That I must
Hold onto my mind
Before I lose it
To insanity's hand
And the absence
Of sound
And drag myself
Down
To
The ground

Every year
For the last
Five
Someone I knew
Loved
And cherished
Has tragically
Died
My Grandad
My Cousin
My Dog
My Aunt
And
My Girlfriend
Have all passed away
Leaving me
Alone
Confused
To the bone
And in mourning
For every year
From the first
Of the five
A part of me
Has diminished
And died
As their eyes
Dimmed
With their absence
And their hope
Of a life
Was denied

Throughout my life
I've been nothing
But kind
Considerate
And patient
But no longer
Is it in me
To be that way
Out of my mind
I'm sick of you
And life
And all else too
For I am
The way I am
Because of the pain
That follows me home
Bringing the fear
Of taking a breath
In case someone I love
Disappears at the touch
Because of the fact
For the last five years
I've been stalked
By the spectre
of death

So here I rest
All that is left
Tired and weak
Prepared to give up
Crumpled upon the ground
All shallow and meek
Dying from exhaustion
And the pain that comes
Digging my own grave
To the sound
Of quieting
Drums

But with the dying
Of the beat
Within my heart
Rises anger
That beats it anew
'Cause I would be lying
If I said I was done
Death may be winning
But it sure ain't won
Five rounds in the ring
Fighting through the next
One on one
With the spectre of Death
That haunts
And trails
My every move
Either Death itself
The Collector
Dies
And fails...

Or I do

And in my rage
I will haunt
The spectre

Jamtots

@Jamtots

Hi. KiK: JammyTots

100
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Comments & Feedback (23)

I have an awful sinking feeling that this may well be true... A deeply emotional and harrowing write πŸ’™ πŸ‘πŸ‘

For me, this is the best thing you've ever written. This sounds so gawddam cheesy but would you like to KiK me or just talk or anything? Cheesiness aside, I'm sorry for your loss:/

Beautiful.

:)

So sorry for your loss lets hope things change for you? πŸ’œπŸ˜•

πŸ’—

@MrsS It is true. Thank you (:

@rosiecolliflower thank you:)

@carolsgregory thanks, lets hope I guess ✌

@Blueblotts lol, thank you. Written at 4am too. That's not cheesy XD I'd love to talk to you, if you'd like (:

Strong and emotive piece Hun ...hope you are ok ✨❀✨

This is just what I mean. In so many ways I can relate to the way you write. And it moves me. You know the feeling of just staring blankly after a great movie? That's how I feel after reading what you write. Many times I forget to like and all that stuff because I have to put my phone down and just think. And I can't really figure out exactly what it is that moves me. Maybe it's because you basically take the things I have in my head but can't really express and put them into words. Anyway, thank you.

I wish you the best of happiness for 2013. May it be a great year for you πŸ’—πŸ’—

Mrs S has said what I would have said. Felt every single word of your emotion in this. Excellent write and I too hope 2013 brings joy for you. πŸ˜˜πŸ˜”

What happened to the god poem I was just reading!! 😱

@naaviie i don't like it :P

@niixxz best comment I've ever read, thank you mate. Cheered me up πŸ˜„

@MrsS @eddie12309 thank you both, I hope 2013 is better too πŸ™

I totally agree with @niixxz, this really moves me. I can relates with this in so many ways. My boyfriend died few years ago as well, my grandma died a week after my 21st birthday, my favorite aunt died when I was just a kid, my best friend who happened to be my cousin died, my favorite uncle who married to my favorite aunt died as well, about 20 years later and he never remarried or dated during his living moments. Now my another grandma is dying and my birthday is just around the corner :/ πŸ’œπŸ’™πŸ’šβ€πŸ’› hope you rocks out your 2013

@Stablish thanks for the RP πŸ‘

@insomnium and @Jamtots, im very sorry for both of you. I cant say ive felt loss like that in such extremes, but im still sorry for it and i understand πŸ’™ its a beautiful peice of writing, it is such a shame that it's true- you have my full support mate πŸ‘ŠπŸ™

@DrCarrow aw thanks, πŸ’™πŸ’œπŸ’šβ€πŸ˜±

πŸ’›**

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