To A Distant Reader

You see,
I can't to let go..
I can't move on.. i dont think i can,
the pain's latched onto me..
And I'm far from safety,
i cant hide the struggling,
And now i feel like i'm just babbling..
To a world consumed with their own problems,
and here in the darkness i have no suggestions,
Slowly slipping further into the decay,
From a world called home.. i'm inadvertently pushing myself away,
i want to let it go...
But i'm here on display for it all to show,
I don't want to remain here anymore,
What hurts most is that i can see the exit door,
but with every step i find myself stalling,
Gripping onto the pain even though i hear safety calling,
I can see a world much brigther than here,
a world without all this fear,
And i know it all shows,
and with everyday the struggle grows..
you know.. sometimes i think i've not drunk enough..
to pass these struggles off,
i wake up only to find another bottle in my hand the next day,
looking in my reflection.. watching myself pray..
a stain over my soul.. darkening with each moment,
all i ever wanted was hope and atonement,
i never wanted it to be this way you see..
what went wrong with me..
i remember faint words said in a hopeful time,
words that took form.. words that i hope to be mine..
'we never know why terrible things happen..
but know that good is always at the end of it all'
and i've tried to hold on to that.. but i'm in a free fall..
with the wind racing past my face..
breathless and lost in time and space..
i'm locked away within a long forgotten chamber,
and to you.. i seem like a distant stranger..
trembling.. i feel the cold.. i feel how it feels to be alone,
i wish i could've found my place.. i wish i could have known,
that facing it all.. taking a bullet.. and moving on was better,
and now here i am.. catching myself write this letter..
it's sender.. a soul who runs down the same path as i,
but a soul who has time to turn things around,
i wish for you to survive.. not to drown..
in the emptyness.. in the midst of this,
the wonders of life.. i miss,
For all that could've been,
for the joy i could've seen,
thrown away.. cowardice.. fear..
and it stole all of my time..
corrupted and twisted my mind..
i accept i'm broken,
sanity has spoken,
but this is where i leave you my distant reader,
dont give in, become a believer,
good will find you if you seek it out,
search.. hunt.. fight.. scream.. shout,
i've seen yesterday.. i lived today.. i'll withness tomorrow,
but dont waste what you have.. there's no more time to borrow..
close your eyes, shut your body down and cleanse your mind,
wake up.. and to the bottle turn blind..
breathe..
slowly concentrate...
today is all you have..
to amend all flaws..
to erase your sins..
to defeat your lies..
breathe..
go..
break your way through to that escape door..
Make this yours..
Make all of this yours..
Make this your life..
Make this your life