I Don't Know

I'm not a hero.
I'm not a villan.
I'm not a sinner.
I'm not a saint.

I'm a boy.
Stuck in the limbo of adulthood.
Paralysed by depression.
One problem goes, another appears.

I try to do right but i am cursed with everlasting wrongs.
Plagued by artificial guilt.

I risk losing everything.
I risk losing the one thing i have.
I risk tainting my love through arguments and anxiety.

Suicide is an aftermath.
A selfish act of poisoned thoughts.
Superficial feelings of pain, leading to self-hatred.

No self-esteem.
No confidence.
No hope.
No faith.

The irony of having an ambigram of the two mentioned words tattoed on my scarred forearm. Oh the irony.

The one moment in my life.
The one moment when i finally have it all.
The moment i have been waiting for, for so so long.

Twisted by anxiety and depression.

I will go on.
I will win.
But for now.
I'm not a hero.
I'm not a villan.
I'm not a sinner.
I'm not a saint.

I am a boy. Stuck in the limbo of adulthood.

~Larko