Hello

Hello there.

I have a name that you don't want to know,
And an elbow you don't want to paint,
I taste of oak tables and calendar cables,
And colour my armchairs quite faint,
I think theoretical,
Rhyme quite poetical,
Speak when there's no one around,
I eat melted ice cubes and drink frozen sugar,
And count my IQ points in pounds,
I'm British American,
Interview heroines,
Hold salsa classes with cats,
I fry clocks in saucepans,
And hand out free spray tans,
And hope you're all dandy with that,
I drink without laughing,
And laugh without drinking,
But never do both at one time,
Brew beer without alcohol,
Or paracetamol,
Soak all my novels in brine,
I'm wearing egg cartons,
All over my tartans,
And knitting tea cosies for tea,
I'm drawing on laptops,
And wearing a round box,
And that, my friend, that is all me.