I'm looking down, realising.
I've reopened wounds from before.
Not just from the past week or so.
But from all those years ago.
That time when I thought I knew how it felt.
But now I really know.
It's strange that sensation and thrill almost.
That derives from this.
I don't condone it.
Yet I can't stop.
I'm running out of ways to express myself.
Especially when I feel so alone.
I put my all into people.
And only occasionally do I feel that appreciated.
I love so much my heart swells up.
Then someone just pulls out that pin.
And it explodes into pieces, just pops.
It's like December wasn't real.
Like I just lumbered through to make it.
'THE NEW YEAR'
I certainly made that mark on myself.
Physically yet emotionally.
So up and down.
Not sure where I'm going.
This right now.
Is taking me to higher grounds.
This keeps me satisfied.
Or at least that's what I tell myself.
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