Well...This Is New - 57

I am going to throw up.
I am literally going to bend down and throw up.

Paul and I were arguing. About all the usual stuff. He was very, very angry.

He told me how he hated the fact that he was a criminal for not loving me back. That everyone judged our relationship and made him look like the bad guy. I was trying to explain, trying to show him why. I was trying so hard to give him everyone's perspective on us.

Then, abruptly, he said "I can't talk right now I have to go".
I kept texting, telling him to come back because we weren't finished.
Then, he said "you wanna know why I'm leaving".
I of course told him I hoped he wasn't mad at me.
He sent me two pictures. I at first thought they were funny faces, like a smile or a tongue out...
I pressed one of them...
And my mouth dropped.
Because there...there, right in front of me, was my beautiful Paul, crying.

Crying.

My stomach lurched as I took in his pained blue eyes, stained red.
And the tears on his cheeks.
And his lips open, as he stared with anguish right at me.
I stopped breathing.
I am still sick. I am so nauseous. There is no way I can ever live with myself.
I made him cry. For the third time.
Except this time, I got to see. I got to see his tearstreaked face, his eyes full of agony.
I'm so tortured. That image will be forever in my brain.
What do I do?
What can I do?
I'm so destroyed, because I destroyed him.
The person I love. I made him cry. Again.
I will never forgive myself.
Never.