A Million Lights

Dear Doctor,
look at this mess...
Sorry to say,
We made it.
We're hopeless,
This isn't
what you'd call romantics,
Can you stitch
together a mess in me?
No?
Then why am I here
beneath
white lights?
You say,
It's just heart surgery,
The ways your eyes
operate on me,
Gives me a reason
for my insanity,
Let me
feel your heartbeat,
are you, am I alive?
Can you feel the hysteria,
I can,
I can feel
myself sinking everything,
This is a disaster
And you say
my diagnosis is
I'm the monster,
Hidden in the clouds,
well check the weather,
All I see is the sun
as I run into the night
my memories
that chase me
are my worst enemy,
Well here's your cue,
I'd make sure
the last piece fits
before I throw it in,
So keep in mind,
Call it like you see it,
doesn't mean
you've called it right,
Don't close the curtains,
You haven't
seen the final act just yet,
If the sun
starts to blind you too,
You're looking
too closely
and there's no more
dark left in you.
Looking for a light
in the distance,
As the blind
blindly missed it,
Falling stars
fall from the sky,
A million lights
but I can't tell
which is mine,
I save these tears
in a picture frame,
Just to remind me
today isn't yesterday,
Don't fall down,
You're still too
close to the ground,
And I haven't
closed my eyes yet,
I've barely
reached the surface,
And I can tell you
a thing or two about
what it's like
to feel anxious,
I'm holding
my breath
just thinking,
My only friend
is solitary,
And a failing heart
is my haunted home & you're the ghost
that haunts me most.