A Jungle Of Thoughts

chickgamer • 277 followers

I wish I could redo some aspects of my life, change some decisions of my life and maybe they would lead to a happier path.

I used to think if I was skinnier, if I was prettier, sophisticated, more lovely...the world would align in accordance of my happiness.

It doesn't work that way though does it?

I'm me.

I'm curvy with a side of plump.

I'm loud. I'm quiet.

I'm an introverted girl who has extroverted tendencies.

I cry at Pixar films. Scratch that - I cry at most films.

I believe in happy endings, even when I'm sobbing into a tissue knowing Hollywood had me fooled.

I read romance books and wonder why love didn't happen for me like that.

I'm scared easily by horrors but I secretly like the feeling of being scared.

I don't like the idea of changing myself. Tbh I like me...most days.

I can't live without music. Most of my emotions are tied up in it. Or I could have learned the piano!

I can quote The Matrix off by heart. Maybe I should have read more Shakespeare.

I want babies. That damn clock has started again.

I want a marriage. I want that level of commitment. Yeah it's only a piece of paper but it means something...you know.

I want a happier home than what I grew up with. I don't want my kids to grow up fearing me.

See if I could change myself - a happier childhood, less plumpy, more educated, secure...I guess I wouldn't be so much of a mess. I can't even imagine what life would be like for me.

But then I would have never met you if I wasn't me. Even though I doubt how someone so "put together" can tolerate my craziness, I hope you keep doing it. I'm not ready to float in this sea of scary on my own yet.

Please don't let me drown.

#identity #inner-monologue #personal #personal-growth #relationships #self-reflection

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Comments & Feedback (16)

minxyMolly

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:19 PM

Omg!! Seriously this brought tears to my eyes!! Your awesome girl don't change!! X

chickgamer

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:21 PM

@minxyMolly I wouldn't know how to 😘 thanks Molly xx

tetti2

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:27 PM

Life should roll like this else it's boring had y not watched that horror u wouldn't have know that u actually like scared, if u hadnt had diet thoughts once u would never have fallen in love with your curves etc etc. my world ran to smoothly and now I'm bored and long for risk xx

tetti2

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:28 PM

I apologise for the shit grammar there!

Irrational_Kimmi

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:28 PM

@chickgamer the mad, the bad, the crazy...all makes us who we are. Don't you change, it's a myth that that sort of 'perfect' life equals automatic happiness. It's fake and doesn't last. Real happiness comes from learning to like yourself. So says the oracle of Kimmi 😜

chickgamer

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:29 PM

@tetti2 it's fine! I understand that, if I hadn't lived, I wouldn't have learned. So I'm quite thankful for my experiences, even the horrible ones.

tetti2

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:33 PM

@Irrational_Kimmi 👈what she said

chickgamer

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:42 PM

@Irrational_Kimmi I agee with oracle Kim! Just a bad day, wondering if its me too blame or whether I really am okay the way I am. Just blargh!

Irrational_Kimmi

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:46 PM

@chickgamer you're great, it's the world that has problems. 😊

chickgamer

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:49 PM

@Irrational_Kimmi why did I have a feeling you'd say that?! 😝 We iz both awesome, but you knew that already

Irrational_Kimmi

Dec 11, 2012 at 10:53 PM

@chickgamer because its true!!!

MrsS

Dec 11, 2012 at 11:05 PM

Just what goes through my own head on a (very) regular basis! 'If only I had.....', etc... But I too always state that I wouldn't be with my hubby now - if it makes you stronger, it's all good, and sometimes it leads you to your soulmate 💗💗