Living became a struggle. Breathing hurt. What if I'm too messed up to remember how to breathe? What if no amount of medicines, therapists, hope can save me? It seems like I've fallen so far into the pit. The black, nothingness pit. I don't know which way is up, which way is down. The numbness has consumed every ounce of me. Have you ever been like this? You feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. You are empty, no emotions. For a while it feels nice, and then you begin to worry. You forget how to feel, what it is to be happy, to feel the bubbling of joy in your stomach. You don't know when you're going to get out of it. That's the scariest part, not knowing. For some of us? We never get out.