Come on everybody, step forward, don't be shy
I've a one time only offer that you shouldn't let pass by
For sale: the thing you're standing on, can't fit it in my van
But you've bought from me before, you can trust me, I'm the man
I know I'm pretty shifty, and I don't know what it's worth
But will anybody start me with a bid for Planet Earth?
I know it's fairly knackered with some miles upon its clock
But there's still some blue and green, it's a pretty little rock
Its weather's getting funky, but I ain't no weatherman
If you buy it I'd suggest building a bunker if you can
End of days ain't due for a couple of decades yet
But if a prophecy comes true then a bunker's your best bet
There's not too many forests, all the trees have been cut down
I'll throw in a gas mask for when you want to hit the town
Don't worry about the water, pretty soon that's all there'll be
Because the ice caps will have melted and you'll have to live at sea
I have sold you hula hoops, kung fu, and rubber sharks
You know the way I work, you are all such likely marks
I'll take the best you'll offer, the very lowest bid
What's that sir? Throw in a watch? Sold! Yours for a quid
Now if you'll just excuse me, I've got to see a man
Who's an expert at mechanics; he'll make a spaceship from my van
And as you're slowly dying breathing in your poisoned air
You can blame your brand new owner 'cos I ain't gonna care
I shall watch from a safe distance as your history's unfurled
I'll have written mine myself, as the man who sold the world...
Title - 'I'm The Man' by Joe Jackson
Last line - thank you, David Bowie
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