Dinner yesterday was at the in-laws place
Mrs Lee proceeded to get off her face
Her and our hostess are best friends alright
But not too much for me for 'tis a school night
It started off fine, a glass of champagne
One glass turned to two, 'til it flowed like rain
To leave it there would've been alright
Up early in the morning, and it is a school night
Dinner was superb, with roasties so fine
Accompanied by beer and red and white wine
By now I knew I was losing the fight
To stay reasonably sober on a school night
After all this came the cheeseboard and port
Two peoples weight their chair couldn't support
The legs gave way, my son and I took flight
All reason out the window, hang on, isn't it a school night?
Upsetting their cat wasn't something I'd planned
I've claw marks and blood on my arm and my hand
A little too late their advice came to light
Don't play with strange pussies on a drunken school night
Our host then thought there was something he'd missed
Jagerbombs? Nooooo, we're already too pissed
Staggering home we must've looked a sight
Where's my bed...it's a school night...
Asleep in mere seconds, she went off straight away
But I wasn't as bad as her I must say
In bed by eleven, remembering it's a school night
Alarm set, drifted off thinking I'll be alright...
Morning arrived and it was all a rush
Found myself embracing the cold porcelains touch
I won't describe it (well, not too much)
But suffice to say it had carrots and such
One end then the other, my stomach seemed crushed
Shaking all over, cold, yet face flushed
Lost the power of my legs, could've done with a crutch
There's holes in the tiles where my fingers had clutched...
Nearly late for work, time was very tight
But I survived, and I'm here to say I'm alright
Me and sobriety just had a wee fight
Never again, not on a school night...
Yeah, right!
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