trap

honest
open
faintly broken
I straightened my hair
straightened out my issues
time to be a good girl
no more excuses
no more fucking around
if necessary, I'll glue my eyes to the ground
why mess this up
she could be the she
I don't believe in the one
only because I haven't met her
I'm a heartless bastard
but I still yearn for love
I still want that
I still want that all over
I'm too impulsive
I need to chill out
tough love
she gave me tough love
she used to have to put up with my shit
probably worried for the next sucker to get bit
but I'm going to change
I straightened my hair
wiped off the eyeliner
took off her necklace
I don't need to look good at school
fuck I don't have to try to be cool
one girl on my mind
one girl I can't see
I'll see her soon
less than two weeks
stressed at best
up and dressed
I'm a fucking hipster
dress to impress
impress myself
I dress to look cool
yeah I like that
fuck you school
but I love school
it's one big social experiment
every man for himself
no rules
hormone pools
I need to stop
no more wandering eyes
no more wondering if he just glanced at my thighs
I'm good
I can do all that when I'm single
times up
no more mingle
I have chloe
and that's enough
not a problem
love is tough
I'm working to be what she deserves
ignoring the things my body yearns
I want to be touched
I will be by her eventually
I don't know
whatever
I can't decide if I could do better
I barely know her
I mean I know her through text
we've hung out twice
why do I feel like I have to give her all my time
why am I a commitment freak
is it really family issues
my life is fine
why am I like this
what's the deal
I just want sex appeal
I don't need a relationship but I don't want to close any doors
everything I do
I'm a whore
it's okay
the blinds on my windows slammed shut
concealing me from eyes
and anything but
I don't want to be seen by one
I don't want to be seen by many
I want to be seen
no I don't
yes I do
no I don't
who even am I
why am I writing this
I'm a joke
I'm overrated
I think too highly of myself
I'm just another one on the shelf
I'm waiting for attention
basking in it
how pathetic
how sick
my life is a joke
I can't even cry
turns to a choke
I hate this
I only like music
that's not true
I'm just at a low
when you're low
it all seems bad
it is bad
it seems it as well
I get texts
I don't want to see them
I don't even want to read them
why do I still wait for it to be his name to text me
for something
like homework
or money
he doesn't care
he doesn't stare
I have chloe
chloe
chloe
chloe she's what I need
she's what I got
she's what I need to work for
she's too smart to fall for my trap
I don't want to be a burden
I want to be fun for her
but I want her to be fun for me
like I said this relationship is new
take it easy
you're not free
chill out
you had your chance
stop overanalyzing his second glance
there's no room for him
there's only one room
two hearts
yours and hers
don't break hers
don't break her
be broke you
so did she
in return you break three
three souls
stomped on
all to get this stupid happiness
I hate happiness
it doesn't exist
it's a made word to give us hope
made up word to help us cope
I can't really explain it
I don't know why
what am I even talking about
I hate me
I hate this
whatever I'm so lame
and all I have is me to blame
I'll go to sleep
wake up and go to school
complain to others
and try to seem cool
I hate this
what the hell is wrong with me
I hate my brain
my mind is a
t
r
a
p