Chapter VII - The Last One

I just want to quickly point out, that these chapters can get quite harsh and unpleasant quite quickly, so younger and more sensitive readers please be aware.

A sudden bleep from my computer brought me back from my otherwise gloomy day. My ex from boarding school, and that I hadn’t spoken with since, had remembered my birthday, and had written a mere “Happy Birthday”. Why we had broken up back then, I have no idea, some silly childish argument over something irrelevant. All I know is, that my heart was pounding, fingers trembling, weird giggles started to form in my throat, and somehow I managed to type back some sort of thanks and how he was. This lead to a longer conversation and him listening in, as I called my current “boyfriend”, finally summoning the guts to tell him not to come back. Frederik, my ex from boarding, and I agreed to meet up the following weekend, and from then on things started going up hill. He taught me how to eat properly again, stuffing me with food whenever he was around. My cutting started to slow down, and finally came to a halt. We would spend whole nights just talking. Talking about the past, mine and his, and suddenly, words started to come to me. Tears that should have been wept years ago fell freely. Anger, that should have been aired throughout my life was suddenly allowed me to breathe, seeing the world through different eyes, gathering the strength to live again. I was free.

Our relationship continued to blossom, as I let the last scabs from wounds, so deep I never thought they would heal, fall away. I felt raw, naked. Suddenly, the whole world was new, and I was vulnerable. I had finally let myself be in a situation where I had something to loose. I started school again, with dreams of opening an institution for children who were suffering the same as I. My body started to rebuild itself, slowly, carefully, but steadily. I can’t lie, things were tough, learning to trust again, learning to love again. But this was a fight worth fighting, and I had the strongest, most beautiful warrior fighting alongside me.

A few months ago we moved into a house close to the sea, with a beautiful garden for my cats to play in. Every day is filled with love and passion, even through the worst of our fights. Although we suffered a great loss in April, where we lost our first child, I am now 17 weeks pregnant, and baby talk is all over our lips. Secretive smiles sent back and forth, playful teasing when discussing the future, kisses that mean something, and eyes dancing with words that do not need to be said.

I can finally see a future, and one that I am looking forward to. I feel safe, loved .. happy. My body and soul still bear the scars from my past, people still stare when they see the tortured skin on my arms and legs, I still have a hard time trusting people, and being part of an ordinary social life without questioning myself, but I am stronger than ever, and I am not going to give up.
I can truly and honestly say, that I am happy.