My Hidden Disability.

I have a hidden illness,
You cannot see it with your eyes,
I am not missing any limbs,
For my illness lives inside.

I may look the vision of health,
To ignorant rose tinted vision,
But when my brain and body are involved,
There becomes a painful collision.

The signals my brain sends my body,
Are sometimes incorrect,
Leaving my muscles and joints in pain,
A body that's misunderstood, in neglect.

There is no cure for my illness,
No tablets to erase,
I look no different to anyone else,
Yet this illness in my body is where it stays.

I've lived with it for eight years,
For a while it went undiagnosed,
Even the doctors were blind to it,
Not seeing what's under their nose.

Blood tests, so many I've had,
To rule out other disease,
Prodded, poked and manhandled,
To put my mind at ease.

In the end I was given the verdict,
M.E and fibromyalgia, I was told,
At the time I was 18 years young,
Yet my body felt so old.

I've spent time in a wheelchair as I was too weak,
And been stared at and had fun poked,
What people didn't realise was my minds not ill,
And with each laugh my heart a little more broke.

To look at me you'd know no different,
I look quite healthy to you,
But look closer on a bad day,
You've no idea of the pain I go through.

No two days are the same,
And I may have less symptoms for a while,
There are days where I feel truly blessed,
And wear a mile wide smile.

The bad days are the worst,
In varying degrees,
Somedays my pains all over,
Somedays just my neck, legs or knees.

I tire very easily,
Exhaustion comes and goes,
But I don't, won't ever give in,
It'll always be a smile I show.

Behind closed doors the mask sometimes slips,
And I may sometimes have a cry,
But I'll always bounce right back,
With humour I'll always try.

My children know no different,
They haven't got a clue,
That mummy is poorly,
And that sometimes makes her blue.

They say I am disabled,
But I don't see it that way,
I don't need ignorant labels,
I'm just thankful for each day.

This illness doesn't define me,
Or define who I am,
I am a mummy of two who loves to write,
I'm happy that I am Sam.