A tourist holidays in good old Blighty
He shouts out "Jesus Christ oh mighty"
Sees a man changed into a woman
While the women chase Hollywood perfection
He came here to see the historical sights
Wandering lost in soho late at night
Women are loose and the locals want a fight
He's looking for his embassy to book him on the next available flight
He's wearing jeans, wellington boots and a yellow rain mac
He's found his tourist guide and wants his money back
He was advised of the bad weather with snow and lots of rain
But he's half way happy with a park warden who takes down his complaints
He wants to see the queen but her flag isn't out
He gets a black cab to Downing Street to raise his fears and doubts
But the cab's stuck in traffic at the Trafalgar Square sort of roundabout
Caught in the demonstrations where some youths scream and shout
The driver knows a short cut that passes by Westminster Abbey
The tourist now wants to go there and he doesn't tip the cabbie
He's told he has to pay Β£25 to enter and he needs a tie and shirt
But he explains he's the leader of his own modern day reformed church
He receives a discount as he's one of their kind
He spends many hours making excuses for what he's found
Then he takes the short walk across to parliament
As a live news reporter asks him for his comment
He's speech is a huge YouTube hit
He's a minor celebrity from the downloads it gets
He writes an email to his embassy to extend his stay
Cos the Archbishop of Canterbury invites him to dinner so together they can both pray
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