Lost

I lost it. I lost what I had left. It was all I had that kept me going.
Kept me breathing, kept sane and kept me praying for a better day. Every day this question torments my brain. A daring question with a simple answer but a complicated meaning.

If you could turn back time. If you could go back and change fate. Were you die instead of the one you love. Would you?
Would you go back and jump in front of the bullet before it hit their chest?
Would you?
Could you?
Wouldn't you?

A constant ring, a excruciating pain as your heart leaves you and becomes dormant.
When you don't want to live anymore.
That's me.
I lost him so whats the point?
I lost everything.
Everyone slowly pushing me into the earths burning crust; till I'll fall in. Head first head long.

But one thing kept going.

The hope of loving again,
The hope of closing my eyes without those heart trenching nightmares,
The hope that one day I'd be able to tell him I love him.
The hope of my heart beating at a regular pace and
The hope to put my feelings into words and dream again.

And that's what I lost.

Hope.