I Won't Cry

Sometimes I just wanna cry. Why can't things just be normal? You have to go get ill, or really tired, complaining at my ass expecting sympathy.
Well guess what!
You're not getting it!
I know that I am being a bitch, and that I'm being pretty selfish... But at this point I almost have a NEED to have your company.
When I don't, I miss you and you're constantly on my mind. I wish I could be nicer, and treat you with respect. It doesn't help that we live so far away from each other...
I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass, and I feel sorry for the the crap you have to put up with... That's how I know how much you love me.
Because you put up with my crap, my bad moods, my argumentative and stubborn traits, my annoying whining and constant complaining.
I'm sorry for everything...
I would say that I'm like this, because of my current shit life and that you are the only good thing in my life, I have been selfish because I felt as if I was being neglected.
I throw away my life for you.
All of it is true, but I don't expect you take accept it and then feel bad. Mainly because its my fault I'm like this, and I need to control it.
Otherwise you will start to drift away, and that is the last thing I want.
I love you too much for that.
You're probably not going to read this. But if you are. I'm sorry, and I mean it.
I hope you can forgive me.....

And now the tears come.
Don't worry, they'll pass once I get a grip of myself.

Just know that I love you, and that I'm sorry.