I Close My Eyes, This Is What I See

I close my eyes this is what I see, the words in my head I am madness and madness is me silence is loud and darkness is red, images float through my head, a light is dim then gone lost in the stars, a shadowy figure, the reflection is ours. The pain I feel, is it real, some have doubts which just hurts more, my body, my pain they are at war. My body is breaking, my heart is aching, no faith just doubt, my life is like a roundabout, always spinning, never winning. Unbeleived, unachieved, people I trust think I deceive. The pain I feel is real, it’s real, I know it’s real, I feel it’s real why is trust the devils meal? Frustrated, agitated for relief I waited and waited. Is pain my enemy, am I it’s only friend, will this torture ever end. This shadowy place has become my home stone seas and glass trees, a spine that shatters, save me please. Will I ever win this fight, is there a tunnel, is there light, dead leaves lie on the ground ignorance, intolerance all around. Which world is better, where do I belong, pain, injustice, what is right, what is wrong. Confusion, allusion my inner contusion. The pain inside it takes its hold squeezing and crushing, outside I am young but inside I am old. Falling apart in every sense oceans of emotions with waves intense. Nerves misfiring, I need rewiring; I grow impatient with inflammation the sheer frustration forever tiring. Broken wings I will never fly, kites laugh and wave goodbye. The light is fading, instigating violence and the world is changing. I close my eyes and recognise the darkest skies and cries of lies. Ache and agony is my enemy, it digs out holes within my memory, it is trying to change my reflection it grinds my bones but my face rejects it, there will be no bread no meal for pain, I remain the same not rearranged. But who am I, am I me or just what other people see? Am I a flame that burns so bright that people turn to avoid the light? Am I the only crazy one, the dry one in the rain? Or do I see the truth and it is the world that is insane? My words seem silent yet my voice is loud but no-one ever hears a sound. Betrayal so frail, my trust derailed, sick of losing so confusing, I hear the sniggers what’s so amusing? Grownups, children, all the same they betray and call me names, they bully, discard then take no blame.
There are people who care, I know they are there but my pain they unwillingly share, accompanied by loneliness filled with emptiness, I'm a field of Heather that’s in despair.