Please I want you to hate me. I don't want your sympathy I want your hate. I want my life to be absolutely terrible so I can justify my pain and sadness. I don't want people to think I cut because I want their attention and sympathy. I want them to hate me. I want to be invisible I want to melt into the air and just disappear. I just want you to hate me. Why do you love me when I give you no reason. I want someone to love me for me not because I share their DNA. I want you to hate me that's all I want. I want hate to consume me so that when I love I can feel like I'm rescued. I want to feel like a princess waiting to be lifted off her feet. So please hate me so I can feel complete when I am finally loved. But to be rescued I need to find someone who will love me and that is never going to happen. Why would it I'm not attractive. I'm the fat friend in the friendship dynamic. Who would look at me when my friends are cheer leaders and tall beautiful girls and sporty girls? Why would you look back at me I'm just the clown hoping someone would laugh with me and not see my scars or pain. Why would anyone love me when the only thing to love is my mind and heart but no one sees that because I build a wall around it. No one will notice my brown eyes because they can't see past my weight. Honestly who would go for the fat clown when they could go for the cheerleader tell me who would? Hate is all I know how to feel I never truly loved anyone I never feel safe around anyone so why would you bother getting to know me when I'm like a porcupine just wanting to be left alone in her misery. I know I go around in circles but I want just one person to break the barrier I don't care who I just want one.
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