December twenty second,
8:38 pm. Saturday night. I told them I couldn't hang out. I meant I didn't want to. I told them that I felt sick. I meant that I was dizzy from not eating all day. 150 sit ups. 500 jumping jacks. Weigh myself. Too much. Too big. Too fat. I do another set. I need water. I left my cup downstairs. Great. I gulp in air as I quickly run down the stairs in to the kitchen and back up again. I hear my name being called. Dinner time. I was just down there. Didn't they see me? I go back down. Food. Lots and lots of food. Not to mention desert. Oh god kill me now. I push my food around and cut it up. I try to keep up conversation. My mom is staring at my plate. She doesn't know. No one knows. Only Ana and I know. She is going to kill me if I eat now. I can't disappoint her. I rinse of my plate and crawl up to my bedroom. My safe haven. It's a Saturday night and I'm spending it with myself, my bathroom, my diet pills, and a thinspo website. I think I'm becoming sick.
But I have to see my bones.
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