The Girl In The Photograph

Today, instead of relaxing all day, I ended up having a little clear out and found a photo of me as a girl in an envelope. This may not sound very interesting, but it is rare, as there aren't many. I could probably count on my hands at how many there are. In fact, there are no physical memories of me as a child, just spoken ones from my brothers and sister. Everything else has been lost.

The point of me telling you is the surge of emotion and empathy I had for the girl staring at me from a different time, a different place.

There I was, probably aged seven or eight. The same age my son is now. Unruly mousy brown hair, freckles, uncoordinated summer outfit, tall and skinny, standing next to my father, brother and sister. My brother and sister had the same unruly manes and equally bizarre dress sense. My father however, was as handsome as ever, I didn't appreciate that then but do now. Standing proud, well built, still athletic for his age. His bright blue eyes, which I and my children have inherited, staring into the lens, and his oh so swish safari style suit, standing in front of his pride and joy. His white Saab 900 turbo. We were working class, lived in a council house, holidayed in a caravan we had at the seaside, but my father worked hard. Too hard in fact. He always dreamed of owning a Saab, so here he was, with good reason to smile.

But it wasn't the memory of him, it was my confused innocence I saw. A girl staring into the unknown. I wanted to cross the threshold of time and space and climb into that photograph. I wanted to hug that little girl. Tell her that it will be alright. Tell her it will get bad when shes a little older, but it will make you strong. Tell her always be true to yourself you will turn out just fine. Of course I wouldn't want to frighten her, this strange ghost from the future. All I wanted to do was reassure her and hold her, for I know what is yet to come.

I wiped away the reflective tear from my eye, staring at my past self, and put the photograph back in the envelope. Hoping one day I might find another somewhere, somehow.

It's funny how photographs capture more than just an image.