Desmond Tutu

@nikujagagirl

Random moment from my life #11

Me: There's something I've wanted to tell you from the first day we met. Friend: What.

@sheriffof0

Put A Cork In It

A Cork radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary, yet could still be used in a sentence that would make sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

@albisher

A woman gives birth to a baby..... Afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby,...

@KatyTiffanyNYC

Mollie's Idea Of Cheering Me Up:

"I have a job crushing drink cans. It's soda pressing. Those Russian dolls are really starting to get on my nerves, they're so full of themselves. Just went to see a band called The Vacuums.

@albisher

Three nuns went to a football game and three men got stuck sitting behind them. The men couldn't see very well because of the nun's little nun hats. So they came up with a plan to make them leave.

@Kathyc

Where Are We?

'Where are we?' You don't know where we are. 'Nooooo, just help me out here.' Well hmm, do you remember the drive over here.

@gazplend

Easy Mistake?

I feel I must apologise to sweet pussy Pauline I got the wrong idea and now I feel appalling.

@OllieBoyne

Genie

"A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano. "Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.