We have all heard of birthing stories, some love to hear them, others hate it but they are a part of life.
Even the men reading this will be thinking 'oh god, not another labour story, I'm off!'.
But women particularly have a fascination for them.
My experience of labour and those who know me, will know I've had quite a bit of experience shall we say?, has been different.
Every time after the birth, when all the women are sat having breakfast at the hospital, the topic of the mornings are their birth stories....some are lovely....some are horrid....but the women sit there glued to whoever is talking, hanging off their every word.
Even when I went to the hairdressers, they too wanted to know from start to finish my birth story.
For the women who have not yet had any children, childbirth is an unknown territory and yet most are still sucked in by the conversations of childbirth.
Some listen with utter awe, others look disgusted and may just pass out.....this can apply to men too.
The truth is.....birth is different for everyone.
Some ladies have a higher pain threshold than others and some will scream like a banshee whilst others maybe quiet.
Again like my period blog, I fear that the quiet ones may indeed be cyborgs!
The thing is with childbirth, you have to go with your body, let nature do what it has to do.
My first labour was 39 hours from start to finish, I had to be induced as the baby elephant I was carrying didn't want to come out.
I was put on the bed and that is where I stayed, no one told me about an active labour, I actually looked like that scene in ET, where Elliot is dying on the bed with tubes etc hanging off him, I got through 3 bottles of gas and air, had 2 Pethidine shots, 2 epidurals as the first one didn't work, I was as high as a kite, and then I had shoulder dystocia, which means the baby was too big and his shoulders got stuck.
Obviously we did get him out as they don't leave you to walk around with a baby hanging out of you.
Men take note, don't tell your wife/partner that her vagina looks like its been shot with a 12 bore....it really doesn't help.
When I got pregnant 7 years later I read up EVERYTHING about labour. My first pregnancy I didn't have a clue as I never read anything but to read about labour prepares you and gives you choices.
My 2nd labour was an active labour where I was up walking around right up until delivering my baby, I also developed what is now known as 'The Chicken Dance'.
My 3rd labour truly was pain free and for one night only I was indeed a cyborg....I honestly thought I wasn't in labour as it wasn't painful but the midwife said because it was my 3rd and that I lived quite far from the hospital I best go in.....just as well really as my daughter was nearly born in the car.
During the breakfast 'lets talk about our labour' at the hospital, women couldn't believe it when I said what a lovely labour I'd had, they also looked like they wanted to hit me with something too!
My 4th baby was back to back...which basically means he was not in the best position for delivery, this labour was tough as I'd been in a slow labour for two weeks and every night the contractions would start and by the morning, would stop...my sense of humour had all but gone and I remember when the midwife gave me gas and air, hubby said that was the first time he had seen me smile in 2 weeks!
Eventually my son was born after my midwife went on lunch and another came in and asked me if there was anything she could do?....I screamed "break my waters!!!".....she did and straight away I had this little head wriggling between my legs!
My 5th pregnancy was with my twin girls and I was a bit of a celebrity at the hospital as the two young midwives who assisted me had never seen a natural delivery of twins but I was a pro by now and was adamant that I was going to have them naturally.
Hubby still laughs about the fact that I was screaming for a C section just before delivering the girls!!
Labour is hard, yes it can be painful...it's not called labour for nothing, but it is so worth it when you get to hold your baby in your arms, it still never ceases to amaze me.
Yes you probably will moo like a cow, do a funny dance, swear and insult people.
You may even poop yourself whilst giving birth, do the primal scream thing, but what do you expect when it feels like your shitting out a watermelon?!!
I always remember one midwife saying to me just before the delivery of my 2nd child, that I would soon feel the 'ring of fire'...where the vagina stretches to make way for the babies head.....I just had the Johnny Cash song going through my head....helped though!!
The thing is you can listen to ALL the stories in the world but to be honest every person is different just as every labour is different too.
Your body will do what it has to do whilst the men sit there feeling completely helpless but they can do their bit once the baby is out!
Just a reminder though guys don't say any of the following:
"God love you look shit"
"Right I'm off to wet the babies head" (within minutes of the birth)
"Will your tummy stay like that?"
"When can we have sex?"
Remember peeps
'Being a parent
Is more precious
Than any gemstone'
©Kim Brown 22nd October 2012
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