Disordered Eating

This is no disorder
At least, it's not for me
It's knowing thin's a lock on happiness
And that Ana's the only key

Ana is eight glasses a day
And two or three green teas
Ana is skin and bones
And skipping meals with ease

Ana's the burning in my legs
After a late night run
She's the whispers in my head
Saying "Look, you weigh a ton."

She's sugar free chewing gum
And the growling in my gut
She's the voice inside my head saying
"Cut, fat bitch, cut."

Ana is perfection
The opposite of me
With sunken cheeks and rib bones
Skeletal arms and knobby knees

Ana says "No calories,
"Unless you're burning more."
She's the monster trapping me
Chilling me to the core

No, she's not kind at all
But still she must remain
The minute she's gone I'm stuffed with food
Until she's back again

Ana is lying
To friends and family, too
The vomit in the porcelain bowl
That makes me feel brand new

Ana is excuses
The "No I already ate,"
The "Thanks, but I'm allergic,"
The "I think I'll just eat late,"

She's the empty feeling
The numbness, the control
Ana is just beautiful
But she seems to have swallowed me whole

***
Based on the novel Wintergirls