What is happening to this body of mine?
The hair on my head has gone really fine.
But on my top lip the hair is so thick
I look like Freddie mercury Get me a shaver quick!

I cough, fart, laugh or sneeze
Then suddenly piss myself with ease
I ache and creak like an old chair
And so depressingly back to my hair!

Is this it when you get old
Where is the prime of life that I have been told
Saggy, baggy, droopy and sad
Surely it really can't be all that bad

But I'm wiser and stronger and can do what I please
Apart from farting, jumping and a bloody big sneeze
I can sing, dance and scream out loud
And my kids have made me extremely proud!