Please

Sometimes we brush things off like they are nothing. But what we hold inside after that moment is so great.
If all it is is just a few tears or the uncontrollable.

What is it to be able to feel no pain but writhe in self pity and hatred. I will not disappointed you and I will not confuse you and I will not mess you up. I am trying the best I can. But I can't stop the tears.

That was the first time I cried in months and months but it feels like I have cried nothing at all. This rising inside me. Hurt me when you come out. How I long to scream your pain. I want to scream suffering and shatter teacups across my wrist and watch dazely and happy and conflicted about the heart and soul poured on to my sleeve.

I am sorry.

My irregularities and my annoyance and my conscience. My breath.

Please hate me. It gives me a reason for having the actions I unknowingly take.
So help me.
Please.