Dear God

smellyfingers • 1199 followers

Inspired by @Fly10 post titled "Dark Water"

Warning! It's a tough, emotional read!

"The seed of doubt was planted between my ears
Insecurities consumed and spread fears
What happened to the love of yesteryear?
I rely on him and need him to be near
Sometimes we argue and his words are not nice to hear

Something must be wrong
My friends have all gone
Tho he tells me we both belong
Yet I cannot do what I want

He blames me for his abusive ways
Im not allowed out until my bruises have faded
Locked up and beaten up when he's been on the booze all day
Nighttime is the worst and that's when I pray

I do try to block it all out
But he tells me it's all my fault
He does love me without a doubt
When I cry he continues with the assault

Sometimes he checks my phone
An unknown text makes him moan
When he hits me I try not to groan
If he loves me then why do I feel so alone?

Is this what true love really is?
I don't remember mum and dad ever like this
Now I'm pregnant with his kid
I haven't told him cos he won't think it's his

I'm lucky he didn't kick my belly too hard, for sure
Still I'm bruised and bleeding on the floor
I just can't take any of this anymore
I dread it whenever he comes through the front door

Please God please save me
I'm scared for my unborn baby
I'm just a simple loving lady
I've had enough and it's driving me crazy

If you can hear me please send me some luck
I don't think I'm asking for too much
All I want is to love and be loved
I know I have to leave him but I'm finding it tough
Please lord help me, I've just about had enough."

#abuse-survivor #domestic-violence #emotional-trauma #general #pregnancy #survival

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Comments & Feedback (16)

sjw

Jun 29, 2012 at 1:54 PM

Brilliant write babe, I'm going to show this to a friend it might just help her see the truth to her relationship 🙍

sjw

Jun 29, 2012 at 1:54 PM

Btw nice pic 😽

misslittleDHP

Jun 29, 2012 at 2:04 PM

A very emotive write for me as I was this girl you brilliantly wrote about many years ago...a lifetime ago for me in fact or so it feels...well portrayed...heartwrencher this💔💔😢😢

smellyfingers

Jun 29, 2012 at 2:18 PM

@sjw thank you hun and that would be awesome if it helps somebody in a similar kind of situation! 😘 appreciate the compliment too ☺💐

leelee101

Jun 29, 2012 at 2:19 PM

Very well done sir. And written from her side, really emotional stuff. And the pregnancy part? Brilliantly written. 👍👏👏👏😥

smellyfingers

Jun 29, 2012 at 2:20 PM

@misslittleDHP glad you got out and found happiness Kim! Yes it was tough to write too 😘

smellyfingers

Jun 29, 2012 at 2:26 PM

@leelee101 thank you mate! Yeah I wanted to write from a woman's point of view and felt the pregnancy part would make it more emotional and sadly it does happen, abuser's don't stop abusing even if a women is pregnant. Btw this piece isn't about me or my situation I just felt inspired by Leigh's poem 😢

Fly10

Jun 29, 2012 at 2:37 PM

Flattered that my piece inspired you. This is raw & powerful-you've taken it up a notch from mine, with a brave & eloquently written portrayal, of a real life problem. Bravo Richard 👏😘

smellyfingers

Jun 29, 2012 at 2:52 PM

@Fly10 thank you Leigh but yours is amazing and equally just as emotional and powerful. IMO its a subject that should be address and talked about then hopefully others may realise they are not alone and that there is definitely help available, altho, IMO people in this situation seek help when at "rock bottom" and broken, it's very sad and heartbreaking but at least some find a way out and ask for help. I guess the abuser makes the abused feel worthless and ashamed so they don't seek help which is why I put a god twist on it as I'd imagine most people may turn to god for help and a bit of hope?? Thank you hun 😘