There was one day I remember and I'll never forget. It was a Friday and the thing about this Friday was that i had only eaten 6calories. Those six calories were from a few minuscule carrot sticks I had snacked on at lunch time. I skipped breakfast and I got a subway on the way to my youth group "which I was going to eat once I got inside." it was dropped In the bin. Lies. That day was full of them. And by thê end, the pain I was in, not emotional pain but physical bodily pain I felt was so bad. I remember in worship bawling my eyes out because of the physical pain I felt, because of the crap I knew I was in and the mental state in general I was that night. I remember being comforted by Alyson (if you don't know her see "Pain #3"), and desperately wanting to tell her, to get it off my chest but knowing that I couldn't tell her that because legally she would have to tell my parents. It was so hard to not tell her. I just let her comfort me, knowing that I was slowly killing myself.
As unhealthy as it was, I was and still am SO proud of those 6calories:) Made me feel strong and pretty.
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I struggled with an eating disorder last year, it felt like it was for infinity. that it would never stop. I now eat normally but that was still my life for a while, and I want to share all about it on this opuss
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