Pain #2

-Saying No-
I think a common misconception, about people with eating issues is that they have less trouble than a healthy eater would at saying no to things.
Lies.
That is SO false. I had SO much trouble saying no to things. Ocasionally out of habit, I would say no before thinking it over how much I wanted to eat certain things I was offered. Another thing that was hard was saying no to myself. Wanting to eat certain things DESPERATELY but knowing that I couldn't or shouldn't. I usually manage to evade breakfast but when I did I would be so perfect on measurements on what I was eating. 1/3 of a weetbix, with a 1/4 cup of milk on top. But that was in the start, by the end I just wasn't eating that useless meal at all. I remember one time measuring the milk and trying to hide the fact that there was only 1/3 of a weetbix in thê bowl to my mum who was in the room. Unfortunately it didn't click for me, that I needed to hide the fact that I was measuring milk as well. Mum queried why I was doing it, and I thought fast and lied, as I learned to do many many times.

Another scary time was when I was at a kids party, looking after some younger neighborhood kids I know. The had tables covered I amazing looking food: cupcakes, cookies, cakes, buns, muffins. My worst nightmare. I was so tempted. So so incredibly tempted. I wanted something so bad. I was hungry, hadnt eaten all say, and thê food looke amazing. But I said no. I said no, to food that I wanted so so bad. That took so much strength and I was proud of it.

But, its rather sick, when ones pride is taken from an abstinence to food.

Ask questions, and I will write about it:)