soaring and crashing

Soaring above the clouds,
Adventuring in my made-up fantasies,
Exploring the depths of my imagination.
That's how I used to spend my days
I was full of wonder, full of awe.
The whole world was full of so many amazing things and grand opportunities,
It was an amazing thing.
Every day, I would embark on a new adventure
Finding enchanting gracefulness and astonishing interest in even daily activities,
I was living with all of my heart.
Those were the days.
Families loved each other, neighbors were civil and everyone could coexist peacefully and live in harmony
I had an amazing life that I was living
And an amazing life ahead of me
And it's just too bad that it all had to end.

Good things vanish,
Children grow up,
Anger and turmoil surface,
Memories fade.
I remember wondering where it all went wrong,
Where my lovely childhood paradise had gone
I couldn't know at that time that it was never coming back.
Self confidence wanes.
I started to hate myself,
I couldn't even stand to look at my ugly appearance in the mirror
Lies build.
Nobody would tell me the truth,
My very foundation was shaken to the core
Depression insues.
Everything seemed complicated,
But nothing felt worth living for
I was numb inside.

I'm still struggling through in silence
Utterly alone,
I don't tell anybody for fear of them thinking I'm "dramatic" or just "growing up"
There's nobody beside me.
I want this nightmare to end,
I just want somebody to take me by the hand and help me to make everything okay
I can't go on living this way,
With this strange and empty void in my heart
I want it all to just end.
I'm going through a hard time.
Everything snowballs and makes the problem grow and grow,
Until it consumes me and all of my energy
Leaving me just the empty shell
Of a girl that once used to be
That's not what I want to happen
But I just can't summon the energy to even try and change this
I'm just...
too...
weak.

I want to fix things,
To just stop crashing and to be able to enjoy life once again
To actually have hope for the future,
To find wonder and joy in the smallest little things again
That would be nice.
But alas, I can't see that happening in the near-conceivable future.

What I would give to be able to soar,
Just one last time...