World Of The Thick

I just saw a sign on some obvious steps that said 'steps' and had a diagonal arrow to show you that the steps would facilitate an 'upward and forward' journey.

Do we really need this? Are people so thick now that they need to be reminded what everyday stuff is? The world appeals to the lowest common denominator, without consideration of the negative impact of such actions on the quality of life for the rest of us. We happy few that remember what steps are (without needing a sign) also remember how to use them and so do not need a handy icon to describe their key feature, if the word 'steps' was not enough information. What the builders/designers have failed to remember, though, is that simply labelling the otherwise confusing collection of bricks is not taking it far enough. They are leaving themselves wide open to lawsuits. What they should have done is to provide clear warnings as to the risks involved in ascending these new-fangled 'steps':

• When ascending the 'steps', please remember to lift alternate feet in an 'upwards then forwards' motion before attempting to place the foot on the step above. The 'upwards' part of the motion should be slightly greater than the height of the step and the 'forwards' part of the motion should be roughly equal to the horizontal depth of the step.
•Handrails are provided to aid stability.
•The 'upwards and forwards' alternating movement can be ceased once both feet are firmly placed on the flat area at the top of the steps. Once this elevation has been achieved, walking can resume in a choice of directions (except backwards, which will result in a rapid and possibly painful and distressing descent of the aforementioned 'steps').

Obviously, the instructions for descending will need to follow a similar theme.

Clearly, failing to negotiate the most basic floor topography is not the fault of the user, but the creator. As such, it should be incumbent upon said creator to provide enough information about how to navigate their property with minimal risk of injury. If the user does, in fact, trip over something then clearly the creator of the aforementioned something is wholly responsible for the incident.

A few, insane individuals claim such madnesses as, "...you should look where you're going. Only a deliberate and well-executed attempt at trapping the 'user' can rationally be attributed to the 'creator'. Even an ill-disguised bear-trap is still clearly a device to either avoid or approach after calculating and accepting the risk as your own. To claim that some absent party is responsible for your misfortune is idiotic." This viewpoint is clearly refutable, as it would remove the necessity for a number of injury lawyers: the knock-on effect of which would be a lack of sponsorship for daytime television and subsequently the cancellation of such modern gems as 'Bargain Hunt' and 'Jeremy Kyle', unless enough insurance companies stepped up to the mark in offering a wider range of free clock radios with their 'pay for your impending funeral' policies. After all, there's only so much that June Whitfield can do, these days. Alas, it won't be long before her alarm-clock will buzz merrily away without a living hand to hit the enlarged-for-the-elderly 'snooze' button. I hope they all fall on their silver letter-knives in realisation of their worthlessness.

"Had an accident that wasn't your fault?" Oh go fuck yourselves with a hand-blender, you abhorrent leeches on the arse of society.

If you can't use steps, or walk across paving slabs, or duck under low things, or other such simple and low-brain actions without being incensed by any accidental injury that may result, then you should be flung into a pit and left there to rot like the excrement you are. You drag down the quality of the world for the rest of us.