Things to do

If you get caught masturbating say something friendly to avoid awkwardness, like; "Hey! I was just thinking of you!!"

Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot!!"

When your girlfriend complains that she looks horrible, comfort her by she's less likely to get raped this way.

Tell kids we are going to Disney Land. drive kids to old burnt out factory. Tell them Disney Land has burned down.

There's plenty of fish in the sea, so don't settle until you find a mermaid!

Wear a t-shirt that says 'LIFE'. Hand out lemons on street corner.

Cross bread a horse and a swordfish, maybe get a unicorn?

Dress up like Aladdin and go to a carpet store. Sit on a carpet and scream out; "How do I get this thing to work??!"

Change Facebook name to 'No One', Like peoples status'.