My Anorexia Nervosa Diary

You should continue! My friend is going through exactly the same thing, and it would probably help you so much to talk about it :D! Plus it could actually educate some people! Must be tough, but we're all here for you <3

@LeaEllieAbiAkl

Thankyou :)

Everyone is beautiful in their own way and jetty perry isn't a stick she's average yet beautiful! Stop it if you can your heart is stringer!! And so is your mind! You ate beautiful

Thankyou

@mzsmoka

@TheOneThatGotAway Os this the one?

I read 2 pages of the diary. I'm going to read all later. But please. Don't do this to you self. You are young and beutiful. So please fix this u haven't even started your life. I know what I'm talking about. I use Syringe and take my drugs at least 5 times a day. And it's a fucking hell to live like I do. So please u are 13 and I think u can fix this and get a totally normal life. @TheOneThatGotAway

@TheOneThatGotAway don't keep doing this u will end up in rehab! Bit please continue I am very interested in this!

@em99sh @UrbanRave Thankyou for your kind words and I am trying to stop ill explain why I can't just stop I'm the next one :) x

@TheOneThatGotAway Really curious: you discernible the driving impulses as a voice which suggests that you almost feel like this is an external force acting upon you (poisoning your self image) but at the same time you very eloquently explain how you know this voice is in you, you know it is lying, and you recognise that your physique has become/is becoming skeletal as a result if listening to this voice. Firstly I'd love you to elaborate how you experience this voice, but secondly I'd love to try and understand why you continue to follow this voice when you clearly see from what you say that it is lying to you. My understanding of anorexia, such as it was, is that the sufferer believes they are fat and cannot acknowledge how skinny they have become. Looks like my understanding is flawed. What keeps you on this destructive path when you clearly have such a good handle on what is going wrong?

Sorry. Just re-read that. Silly autocorrect! Discernible = describe

@TheOneThatGotAway thank u! I sen u my wishes

@Maunder I will try to answer that one in my next few posts

@LeaEllieAbiAkl @mzsmoka @UrbanRave @em99sh @Maunder part 2 is done x

@Maunder of course she must know its a lie but it's many that easy, if u suffer from something it's not just that easy to fix. I'm a drug addict and when I'm without the drug and start to feel sick I can here me self saying stuff that I can do to get money. Everything from robbing people to much more. And I know it's wrong to do crazy things but still I do it

@TheOneThatGotAway ok. I will read it later. I read the whole story yesterday before I went to sleep. I just say, you have to fix this. I have a friend that had the same as u couple of years ago. She went to a rehab or something like that.

@UrbanRave I'm trying :)

@UrbanRave I'm not suggesting it is easy to fix but it's something I'm interested to (try to) understand. Perhaps you could offer an answer from your position of experience in respect of your addiction. Still quite curious about this voice even after reading @TheOneThatGotAway 's second entry on the subject. Do either of you experience this as an external influence, like a voice separate from you (either as audible hallucination or as an invading external thought) or is the voice a metaphor for acknowledging a choice you make, albeit influenced by your respective conditions?

@Maunder can you ask that question again so I can understand it? 😳

@TheOneThatGotAway Ok, sorry about that. So the voice: "skinny Shannon"; you describe that she speaks to you but what I would like to understand is whether you literally hear her voice like she is a real person sat in the room with you. When the voice of skinny Shannon is heard is it like sound in your ears (this would be an auditory hallucination). If this doesn't describe how skinny Shannon speaks to you is it this instead: you still experience commands and comments from skinny Shannon but they do not feel as though they have come from the ears but instead are planted in your head. This would be like skinny Shannon is still not you, still another person but your experience is not that you literally hear her, just get her thoughts whether they fell like remembered word, implanted words, or something similar. To but it another way, we say "I hear a voice" but we mean "I think / feel these words but they're not mine.". In either of these first two possibilities, if skinny Shannon is a separate person / identity to you, I would be interested to know if she feels like a friend even if she lies to you, or what you would describe your relationship with her to be. The last possibility I was putting forward was that "skinny Shannon" or a/the voice is a way to express your own thought processes but that ultimately you know that when you refuse to eat or decide make yourself sick it's because it's your decision. That in that moment you could do what your body needs you to but you make a bad choice based on some other conscious or unconscious need or desire (to feel better about your appearance maybe or to feel more worthy of people's time and attention for example)?. I'm sorry that in trying to simplify the question I've both simplified the problem and made the question longer. So to summarise: Skinny Shannon is (1a) a voice you hear like she's someone talking to you in the same room, (1b) words / commands / comments that arrive in your head but do not belong to or come from

You see clear that this is a mental illness. So my question is: did you ask for help? Parents/doctors... If you continue it it will just get worse and worse, try to stop it as quick as you can: RIGHT NOW!!!

@sark If it continues to be as bad my doctor may send me to a place where they feed you and you stay there for 12 weeks and they try to break your eating habits

@TheOneThatGotAway I'd that what you want? To wait? And you're gonna just carry on with this eating disorder? You're 13, you don't know what you can do to yourself, you're still growing, hormones change, and you can make everything wrong right now, and it'll go with you trough you're whole life, even if you got healed after a while! How you cope with it, I don't like it: as if you want it to be like this!!! I am so sad for you!!!!!:(

@sark I don't want to be like this! I can't help it! Google the word anorexia or even yahoo it or YouTube it!

@TheOneThatGotAway I know what anorexia is, but the facts that u self-diagnosed yourself and you know it's a mental illness, exactly these things won't make you anorexic- cuz they don't know they harm themselves, they think eating is bad(u clearly know that not to eat is bad). They think they're fat and the last thing they would think about themselves is that they're mentally ill!!! In that case, in my opinion, you do not have anorexia nervosa, you just would like to have it, although you know it's bad. It's a screaming for help, that's the way you've chosen. It's a bad one. I still feel sorry for you and I do wish the best fir you in the future. I hope you can cope with that whatever you have!

Sorry if I missed the bit in your diaries when you're meeting a doctor/psychologist or who's looking after you that you eat enough-you may should write about it too... I'd be interested in the way how you get better...

@sark I know what it is and I o Lu recently found out its a mental illness and I am fat and I hat my body image and if all your going to do I sit there and act like you know everything about it leave now! Because as far as I'm aware you think anorexics are stupid because they want to be thin! If I wanted to be thin I wouldn't do this! I wouldn't hurt myself or my family like this

@sark I know what it is and I only*

@TheOneThatGotAway no, they're not stupid. Just ill. And you do need help. That's all I wanted to say. Sorry, if it sounded mean, I've got a problem with how to express myself, that's why many think I'm arrogant and mean. Oops... So, sorry, really!!!

@sark its Oj

@sark ok*

I think it's good you're opening up about this and know your behaviour is not normal. You should eat three meals a day, it's okay to have treats and you don't need to exercise every day. I know that's easy for me because I don't have an ED, I've luckily never heard a Skinny Shannon in my head. I want to encourage you to speak to a health professional because if you continue to do this to your body you will cause permanent damage like never being able to have children, heart failure. Please stop suffering. You will feel happy and look healthy if you take care of yourself, please don't starve yourself to death hugs

@redfae Thankyou :) If my current treatment dosnt work Im going to Rhodes farm :)

@TheOneThatGotAway Hope you get better soon :)

@redfae Thankyou :)