Haughty Cat

Curled around your pampered paw
You barely deign to lift your snout
You only see me when it's time
To scoop your poo, for food or 'out.'
I bug your Highness in extremes
Especially when I touch your ear
Disturbing seven-hour sleep
You challenge me to interfere

With narrowed eye and hint of tooth
You squeak in protest if I'm tough
And turf you off my fav'rite chair.
You then seem not to give a stuff:
You find a newer place to slump;
A pile of laundry left to air,
Next day at work I squirm and itch -
There's cat hair in my underwear.

At Christmas, turkey breast will do.
You'll trip me till your bowl is full.
You sneer at kids, refuse to play...
You watch THEM roll the ball of wool.
You watch me sweating at my spade
In garden, when the sun is hot.
You sleep while I dig flowerbeds.
You crap in them. Yeah, thanks a lot.

But somehow, when the house is still
And emptiness sucks out the smile
When dog's out playing with the kids
You know to sit by me awhile.
You know far more than you let on -
Like when you're solace to the heart
And in the absence of all others,
I can blame you when I fart.