Alternate Welcome

16+ and only for those without a sense of humour bypass... If I've not offended any stereotype, please accept my apologies.
The start is from the Bagpuss song.

________

Opuss, dear Opuss
Old fat furry cat-puss
Wake up and look at this thing that I bring
Wake up, be bright
Be golden and light
Opuss, Oh hear what I sing

A few words in couplets or a verse with easy rhyme,
An ode to you beautiful people in whom I invest so much time.

I bring truth with a bite and a wink of my eye,
Here's Opussia behind the thin veil of civilised lies

Xmas cracker philosophy in greeting card verse,
Asinine assertions on the secrets of life or worse.

I've read several ask how to beat the dreaded rank beast,
Post twenty quotes a day and you'll make top thirty at least.

Announce your love of Opuss while celebrating your 26th post,
Keep going, breaking the top 20 is about who can write the most.

I say I hate rank but often check out the movers and shakers,
A quick trawl through feeds soon identifies the stallers and fakers.

So here's my list of tips for you ambitious Opuss cats,
Some might carry risk, so keep them under your hats.

A well worded hello or a tear jerking goodbye (again) often works,
Watch the likes rise while planning a return with fanfare and smirks.

Has writers block got you feeling blue?
Tell everybody cos they really want to know, it's true!?

If you're still feeling uninspired or a little bit thick,
Think of a word and try your hand at a quick acrostic.

The odd bit of plagiarism could work out until you are caught,
But then just plead innocence or post begging forgiveness.. a lot.

Cancer has been popular to gain a like or two,
There's even been the odd faked death, resurrected in alias new.

Multi accounting has merits indeed,
Like and repost your own work in your feed.

Make eloquent eulogy about carving holes in your wrist,
Angst and artistry with a razor wins votes, get my gist?

Complain about how awful your parents are that don't understand,
Type out all the rage on your 3rd I-device in the palm of your spoilt little hand.

Not only posts but also interaction helps your bids,
Comment freely and spend hours winding up 11 year old kids.

Be controversial, the more comments the better,
Religion is a good target for a high rank go getter.

Reposts reciprocated with many thanks in this Opussian world,
Sycophancy stifling, like Tolkien's Wormtongue, curled.

An aye for an aye, reposting helps extend your Opuss shelf life,
Scratch backs but watch out for the back stabbing knife.

So there you have it, a few words of advice,
Avoid the traps, but leave some cheese for the mice.