Black Hole Bag

Inspired by Kim's T.A.R.D.I.S. bag...that's Time And Relative Dimensions In Suede...

'My phone is ringing honey
Can you see who it is?'
What? Go in your handbag?
Not my idea of bliss
I cast my glance upon it
Black leather yawning wide
The zipper could be gnashers
Protecting what's inside
The telephone's still ringing
I'd better take a look
Ok, what's this for starters?
Your purse and a dog eared book
I delve a little deeper
Go past the glasses case
The tammies and the headache pills
It's like outer bloody space
Now I'm up to my elbow
And I'm past the make-up kit
Random nail care products
And assorted other shit
Tissues and a banana
Countless old receipts
The missing Dead Sea Scroll
An ancient map of Roman streets
I'm getting near the bottom
There's no phone to be found
But it's still bloody ringing
I can hear its calling sound
It must be quite important
They're not phoning on a whim
But if I dig any deeper
I fear I'll lose a limb
At last I've found the phone!
And suppress a little cough
'Who was calling, darling?'
'I dunno, 'cos they've rung off!'
Give the Black Hole Bag to her
And she'll find the phone with ease
The contents of a handbag
One of life's great mysteries...