It's A Cats Life.

A couple of swear words.

Hi my name is kitty,
I'm writing a little ditty,
A day in the life,
Of my troubles and strife,
I'm sorry if you find this a bit shitty.

I wake up when I please,
I may go out for my wee wee's
Then I come back in,
My mum feeds me a tin,
Of my favourite of which this does please.

After this I may clean,
To make my fur look pristine,
Spend a lot of my time,
Making my fur look fine,
If its not the cats on my street may be mean.

A high proportion of my day,
I sleep and dream it away,
Either on the bed or the chair,
Sometimes on the top stair,
If you wake me "meow" I say.

That meow isn't cute,
It's to tell you I'm in dispute,
With the fact you woke me from my sleep,
For that I'll scratch your human feet,
Never ever wake me up you brute.

A high percent of the time I'm nice,
I bring you gifts of toads newts and mice,
I look at you and meow,
But you scream somehow,
So next time ill bring the amount twice.

My favourite toys a bobble for your hair,
I bat it around without a care,
You feed me and provide,
A place to rest my furry hide,
So when I feel like it the love ill share.

I want fuss when I want some,
Not when you tell me to come,
Usually when you're on the phone,
Or opuss cause of the cat ringtone,
And when you've scratched behind my ear I'm done.

When I go out to the street,
The ginger cats the one I meet,
I hate that cat,
He's a stupid dumb twat,
When there's a car coming he crosses the street,

I swear one day he'll get run down,
I will laugh and smile not frown,
That cats the bane of my life,
Wants me to be his pussy wife,
As if, he looks like a clown,

I've been neutered, you know 'done'
In the oven I didn't want a bun,
So I never get that feeling,
Of having some sexual healing,
So that ginger cat ain't getting none.

I share my kingdom with two dogs,
They snort like bloody wart hogs,
They both try to sniff my ass,
So I swipe them on the nose with class,
And they drink water from the bogs,

I don't think they know I'm a cat,
They're dirty animals, I don't want to chat,
They don't bury their poo,
They smell a bit too,
And they'll do anything for a head pat.

So that's the life in my day,
Not much else to say,
My servants about to feed me,
I think her name is Sammie,
Then I'm off for a play.